I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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