at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
