listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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