yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
