please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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