If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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