"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
