So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
