woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
