i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
