that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
