At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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