I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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