His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
