The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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