dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
