just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
