she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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