Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
