Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
