i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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