he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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