Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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