i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
