I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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