remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
