Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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