Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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