you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
