how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
