I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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