new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Randomize
