His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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