I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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