she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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