Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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