I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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