Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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