This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
