He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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