If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
