rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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