I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think pants incapable of making pants work
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
