Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
