He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
