The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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