The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
