I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
