i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
