I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
