I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
